How is it even remotely possible that a born-again believer and disciple and follower of Jesus Christ could struggle with depression, or mental health issues, when he or she is indwelt by (John 14:17) the captive-freeing (Rom. 8:2) and life-giving Holy Spirit (John 6:63; Rom. 8:10; Titus 3:5)? The two notions do not seem to go together. All children of God "live according to the Spirit" (Rom. 8:4, 5, 6), are "being led by" the Holy Spirit and vice versa--all who are "being led by" the Holy Spirit are "adopted children of God" (Rom. 8:14; cf. Gal. 5:16, 25; Eph. 5:18); and this same Spirit even intercedes on behalf of every single adopted child of God (Rom. 8:26, 27), and He was so intimately involved even in the existence of each person because He created each person (Job 33:4; Ps. 104:30). In Him, the Holy Spirit, we understand spiritual truths (1 Cor. 2:14), as He teaches us and guides us into all truth (John 16:13; Rom. 8:14; 1 John 2:27), giving us inner strength (Eph. 3:16), moving us to pray as He intercedes to the Father on our behalf (Rom. 8:26, 27, 28) and enables us to avoid temptations of our old way of living (Rom. 8:13).
CONSIDER THESE BIBLICAL TRUTHS
How could I possibly be depressed, despairing to live, if the Holy Spirit dwells within me toward progressively producing Christlike character in me (2 Cor. 3:18), evincing His indwelling (Gal. 5:22, 23), calling me into the service of God in Christ (Acts 13:2, 3, 4), by granting me spiritual gifts, giving me power to tell others the Gospel (Acts 1:8)? I have been given all spiritual blessings in the heavenly places in and seated with Christ Jesus (Eph. 1:3; 2:6); I have been elected unto salvation by the free grace of God (Eph. 1:4) through faith in Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:5, 8), considered absolutely holy and blameless before God in Christ (Eph. 1:4) even though I, most clearly, am not; and I am predestined from all eternity to be God's adopted son through Jesus Christ by God, to God, (Eph. 1:5) and for Christ (Col. 1:16). How could I still be depressed?
I have been lavished with God's eternal love and grace (Eph. 1:6, 8), redeemed by the blood of Jesus and forgiven of all my offenses--past, present, and future (Eph. 1:7)--having been sealed by the Holy Spirit for the Day of Redemption (Eph. 1:11, 12, 13, 14) so that my salvation is already a "done deal" from God's perspective; and the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus has been irrevocably imputed to me by grace through faith (Rom. 3:21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26; 4:4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16). In Christ and by the Holy Spirit I have been raised up with Christ and seated with Him in the heavenly places, so that "in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward [me] in Christ Jesus" (Eph. 2:6, 7). I am His loving workmanship, created (re-created) in Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand for me to walk in (Eph. 2:10). I am not a stranger to His Covenants, nor a stranger to His Kingdom, but am a full citizen of God's Eternal City with full rights of the firstborn son because of God's one and only unique and eternal Son (Gal. 3:26, 29; 4:4, 5, 6, 7, 28; Eph. 2:19).
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives His life in and through me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Gal. 2:20). I have received the promise of the Holy Spirit through faith (Gal. 3:14). I have been "filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God" (Phil. 1:11); for life, to me, is Christ (Phil. 1:21). How could I be depressed? God is at work within me, giving me the will to work for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13). The Gospel of Christ Jesus came to me in power by the effectual work of the Holy Spirit with full conviction (1 Thess. 1:5); God lovingly graced me from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the Holy Spirit and faith in the truth (2 Thess. 2:13); He saved me, not on the basis of deeds which I had done in righteousness (Isa. 64:6), but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Spirit, whom He poured out upon me richly through Christ my Lord, so that, being justified by His grace, I would be made an heir according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:5, 6, 7) which I have as an anchor, an absolute future certainty (Eph. 1:13-14 NLT), for my soul (Heb. 6:18). These truths are mine by God's free grace, as I am indwelt by God, and I am still struggling with mental health issues?
All three Members of the Godhead Trinity, the limitless power of the Triune Creator of the Universe and of all Heaven and Earth, lives within me--God the Father (John 14:23), Jesus (John 14:20), and God the Holy Spirit (John 14:16); including the reality of all the biblical truths above that God caused to work for me and in me, and yet I seem cognitively deficient? How? By what cause(s)? By the eternal foreordination of God the Father I was elected to salvation by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit to obey Jesus Christ who, according to His great mercy, has caused me to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Pet. 1:1, 2, 3). I have received a faith of the same kind as that of the apostle Paul and the other disciples of Jesus Christ by the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ Himself, as well as granted the multiplying of the grace, peace, and the knowledge of God the Father, as well as Jesus my Lord, for His divine power has granted to me everything I need pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him who called me by His own glory and excellence (2 Pet. 1:1, 2, 3). Through these graces, God also granted me His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them I may become a partaker of the divine nature (2 Pet. 1:4). I lack nothing of God in Christ. In Jesus, all of the fullness of God was pleased to dwell in Him (Col. 1:19), and He dwells in me--God in Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit--so that I lack nothing. I need no other imagined blessing.
BUT THE PROBLEM PERSISTS
All of these immeasurable gifts, eternal promises that are as sure as the last breath I took, and yet I still struggle with depression. How? For some people, including myself, the problem could be shortsightedness--meaning, perhaps I (and some others) cannot see life as it really is, conceivably not as bad or as hopeless as I feel or think that my life is in reality. Perhaps I maintain one or more cognitive distortions. Perhaps my perception, and that of some others, is skewed negatively. That is certainly possible. Often, when we feel overwhelmed, over-stressed, when or if we are over-worked, over-worried, feeling hopeless, we view our lives or our temporary circumstances in a worse light than what may be in reality--so that our reality is severely distorted. What no believer should think is that being in such a state indicates that she is not a true believer, not expressing enough faith, not trusting in God more, not really a born-again Christian, not indwelt by the Holy Spirit or "Spirit-filled," not spiritual enough, not worthy enough. All such thinking is unbiblical. Just read your Bible. Scripture is full of people, men and women who believe in the God of Israel, who struggle with depression (Num. 11:10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16; Prov. 12:25), doubt (John 20:24, 25, 26, 27, 28), delusion (Acts 1:6: the Jewish people were deluded as to what kind of Messiah, politically-redemptive vs. spiritually-redemptive, was to come--they wanted the former), fear (Ex. 3:11; 1 Kings 19:1, 2, 3; Jer. 1:6), anger (Jonah 4:1; Eph. 4:26, 27), anxiety (Isa. 41:10; Matt. 6:34), unworthiness (Matt. 8:8), being ill-equipped or unqualified (Ex. 4:10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17), wanting to die (1 Kings 19:4; Jonah 4:3).
I had a realization today, however, the understanding that my problem is not that I don't want to live but I don't want to live the life I'm living any longer. I was forced to get a winter job. My primary job is seasonal--only lasting roughly from March to November. Typically I can make ends meet for the time in--between but not this year. I have too many debts to pay. So I sought for a job as a waiter at a restaurant and I absolutely despise it (my hometown is small and the good-paying jobs are few). The restaurant is by far the most difficult and most trying place I've ever served. My schedule is burdensome. To make good money I have to work double shifts and, even then, many times the payoff is just not worth the turmoil. I can honestly say that this is the worst place I've ever worked and I absolutely despise my life. This job makes my existence unbearable. If I had to work at this restaurant for the rest of my life I would most certainly end my life soon. I dread to get up in the morning when I have to work (Thursdays through Mondays). My two days off are rarely long enough (time flies away from that wretched place); and, typically, on my days off I am far too exhausted to do anything else but rest. But this is the price I pay for ruining my life.
I was once told by a friend that I need to re-imagine a new life in some semblance of what I wanted to do before I ruined my life. Well, I can't, and I've been thinking about what that even means for me over the last few years. If I wanted to do A, and A is not a viable option, then I don't know how to make A some sort of B (or Plan B). There is no Plan B. There is no re-imagined version of A for me. There was only A. If I wanted to be a delivery driver for UPS or FedEx, for example, and being a delivery driver was never going to be an option for me then being a delivery driver for a Pizza joint isn't quite the re-imanging of being a genuine delivery driver. Delivering pizzas could never be fulfilling.
SAVING GRACE
Such a response tends to warrant platitudes from people who don't know what else to say. "Well, at least you've got your health." "Well, at least you're saved, and God still loves you." "Well, at least you could do the best you can do while you do something else." So I adopt some sort of Jonah-complex, miserable with the results and a bit bitter and whining, saying, "So now, LORD, take my life from me, for death is better to me than life" (Jonah 4:3 NASB). Well, at any rate, death is better than the life I'm living. Whatever you may going through, even on your worst day, I still believe that a genuine believer can be depressed, loved by God and saved, indwelt by the Holy Spirit and atoned for sins by the blood of Jesus, while struggling through a life he doesn't want or like, while the Spirit of God continues to work in his wicked heart, slowly but surely applying enough pressure in life to bring the dross of his sin to the surface, while He skims the useless waste from the top and continues the process again and again, toward the ultimate conforming of the redeemed to the very image of Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:29, 30; 2 Cor. 3:17, 18). Thanks be to God, through Christ Jesus our Lord, by the effectual power of the indwelling Holy Spirit--now and forever. Amen.
I will admit, however, that I am so utterly exhausted living like this. I long either for death, an earth-moving life change for the better, or for Christ's return every single day. "With one hand the Past moves us forward and with the other it holds us back" (Lilith Sternin, played by Bebe Neuwirth, Frasier, "Guns N' Neuroses," Season 11, Episode 9, directed by Scott Ellis, written by Jon Sherman, aired November 18, 2003).
CONSIDER THESE BIBLICAL TRUTHS
How could I possibly be depressed, despairing to live, if the Holy Spirit dwells within me toward progressively producing Christlike character in me (2 Cor. 3:18), evincing His indwelling (Gal. 5:22, 23), calling me into the service of God in Christ (Acts 13:2, 3, 4), by granting me spiritual gifts, giving me power to tell others the Gospel (Acts 1:8)? I have been given all spiritual blessings in the heavenly places in and seated with Christ Jesus (Eph. 1:3; 2:6); I have been elected unto salvation by the free grace of God (Eph. 1:4) through faith in Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:5, 8), considered absolutely holy and blameless before God in Christ (Eph. 1:4) even though I, most clearly, am not; and I am predestined from all eternity to be God's adopted son through Jesus Christ by God, to God, (Eph. 1:5) and for Christ (Col. 1:16). How could I still be depressed?
I have been lavished with God's eternal love and grace (Eph. 1:6, 8), redeemed by the blood of Jesus and forgiven of all my offenses--past, present, and future (Eph. 1:7)--having been sealed by the Holy Spirit for the Day of Redemption (Eph. 1:11, 12, 13, 14) so that my salvation is already a "done deal" from God's perspective; and the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus has been irrevocably imputed to me by grace through faith (Rom. 3:21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26; 4:4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16). In Christ and by the Holy Spirit I have been raised up with Christ and seated with Him in the heavenly places, so that "in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward [me] in Christ Jesus" (Eph. 2:6, 7). I am His loving workmanship, created (re-created) in Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand for me to walk in (Eph. 2:10). I am not a stranger to His Covenants, nor a stranger to His Kingdom, but am a full citizen of God's Eternal City with full rights of the firstborn son because of God's one and only unique and eternal Son (Gal. 3:26, 29; 4:4, 5, 6, 7, 28; Eph. 2:19).
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives His life in and through me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Gal. 2:20). I have received the promise of the Holy Spirit through faith (Gal. 3:14). I have been "filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God" (Phil. 1:11); for life, to me, is Christ (Phil. 1:21). How could I be depressed? God is at work within me, giving me the will to work for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13). The Gospel of Christ Jesus came to me in power by the effectual work of the Holy Spirit with full conviction (1 Thess. 1:5); God lovingly graced me from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the Holy Spirit and faith in the truth (2 Thess. 2:13); He saved me, not on the basis of deeds which I had done in righteousness (Isa. 64:6), but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Spirit, whom He poured out upon me richly through Christ my Lord, so that, being justified by His grace, I would be made an heir according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:5, 6, 7) which I have as an anchor, an absolute future certainty (Eph. 1:13-14 NLT), for my soul (Heb. 6:18). These truths are mine by God's free grace, as I am indwelt by God, and I am still struggling with mental health issues?
All three Members of the Godhead Trinity, the limitless power of the Triune Creator of the Universe and of all Heaven and Earth, lives within me--God the Father (John 14:23), Jesus (John 14:20), and God the Holy Spirit (John 14:16); including the reality of all the biblical truths above that God caused to work for me and in me, and yet I seem cognitively deficient? How? By what cause(s)? By the eternal foreordination of God the Father I was elected to salvation by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit to obey Jesus Christ who, according to His great mercy, has caused me to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Pet. 1:1, 2, 3). I have received a faith of the same kind as that of the apostle Paul and the other disciples of Jesus Christ by the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ Himself, as well as granted the multiplying of the grace, peace, and the knowledge of God the Father, as well as Jesus my Lord, for His divine power has granted to me everything I need pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him who called me by His own glory and excellence (2 Pet. 1:1, 2, 3). Through these graces, God also granted me His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them I may become a partaker of the divine nature (2 Pet. 1:4). I lack nothing of God in Christ. In Jesus, all of the fullness of God was pleased to dwell in Him (Col. 1:19), and He dwells in me--God in Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit--so that I lack nothing. I need no other imagined blessing.
BUT THE PROBLEM PERSISTS
All of these immeasurable gifts, eternal promises that are as sure as the last breath I took, and yet I still struggle with depression. How? For some people, including myself, the problem could be shortsightedness--meaning, perhaps I (and some others) cannot see life as it really is, conceivably not as bad or as hopeless as I feel or think that my life is in reality. Perhaps I maintain one or more cognitive distortions. Perhaps my perception, and that of some others, is skewed negatively. That is certainly possible. Often, when we feel overwhelmed, over-stressed, when or if we are over-worked, over-worried, feeling hopeless, we view our lives or our temporary circumstances in a worse light than what may be in reality--so that our reality is severely distorted. What no believer should think is that being in such a state indicates that she is not a true believer, not expressing enough faith, not trusting in God more, not really a born-again Christian, not indwelt by the Holy Spirit or "Spirit-filled," not spiritual enough, not worthy enough. All such thinking is unbiblical. Just read your Bible. Scripture is full of people, men and women who believe in the God of Israel, who struggle with depression (Num. 11:10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16; Prov. 12:25), doubt (John 20:24, 25, 26, 27, 28), delusion (Acts 1:6: the Jewish people were deluded as to what kind of Messiah, politically-redemptive vs. spiritually-redemptive, was to come--they wanted the former), fear (Ex. 3:11; 1 Kings 19:1, 2, 3; Jer. 1:6), anger (Jonah 4:1; Eph. 4:26, 27), anxiety (Isa. 41:10; Matt. 6:34), unworthiness (Matt. 8:8), being ill-equipped or unqualified (Ex. 4:10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17), wanting to die (1 Kings 19:4; Jonah 4:3).
I had a realization today, however, the understanding that my problem is not that I don't want to live but I don't want to live the life I'm living any longer. I was forced to get a winter job. My primary job is seasonal--only lasting roughly from March to November. Typically I can make ends meet for the time in--between but not this year. I have too many debts to pay. So I sought for a job as a waiter at a restaurant and I absolutely despise it (my hometown is small and the good-paying jobs are few). The restaurant is by far the most difficult and most trying place I've ever served. My schedule is burdensome. To make good money I have to work double shifts and, even then, many times the payoff is just not worth the turmoil. I can honestly say that this is the worst place I've ever worked and I absolutely despise my life. This job makes my existence unbearable. If I had to work at this restaurant for the rest of my life I would most certainly end my life soon. I dread to get up in the morning when I have to work (Thursdays through Mondays). My two days off are rarely long enough (time flies away from that wretched place); and, typically, on my days off I am far too exhausted to do anything else but rest. But this is the price I pay for ruining my life.
I was once told by a friend that I need to re-imagine a new life in some semblance of what I wanted to do before I ruined my life. Well, I can't, and I've been thinking about what that even means for me over the last few years. If I wanted to do A, and A is not a viable option, then I don't know how to make A some sort of B (or Plan B). There is no Plan B. There is no re-imagined version of A for me. There was only A. If I wanted to be a delivery driver for UPS or FedEx, for example, and being a delivery driver was never going to be an option for me then being a delivery driver for a Pizza joint isn't quite the re-imanging of being a genuine delivery driver. Delivering pizzas could never be fulfilling.
SAVING GRACE
Such a response tends to warrant platitudes from people who don't know what else to say. "Well, at least you've got your health." "Well, at least you're saved, and God still loves you." "Well, at least you could do the best you can do while you do something else." So I adopt some sort of Jonah-complex, miserable with the results and a bit bitter and whining, saying, "So now, LORD, take my life from me, for death is better to me than life" (Jonah 4:3 NASB). Well, at any rate, death is better than the life I'm living. Whatever you may going through, even on your worst day, I still believe that a genuine believer can be depressed, loved by God and saved, indwelt by the Holy Spirit and atoned for sins by the blood of Jesus, while struggling through a life he doesn't want or like, while the Spirit of God continues to work in his wicked heart, slowly but surely applying enough pressure in life to bring the dross of his sin to the surface, while He skims the useless waste from the top and continues the process again and again, toward the ultimate conforming of the redeemed to the very image of Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:29, 30; 2 Cor. 3:17, 18). Thanks be to God, through Christ Jesus our Lord, by the effectual power of the indwelling Holy Spirit--now and forever. Amen.
I will admit, however, that I am so utterly exhausted living like this. I long either for death, an earth-moving life change for the better, or for Christ's return every single day. "With one hand the Past moves us forward and with the other it holds us back" (Lilith Sternin, played by Bebe Neuwirth, Frasier, "Guns N' Neuroses," Season 11, Episode 9, directed by Scott Ellis, written by Jon Sherman, aired November 18, 2003).
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